Sunday, February 14, 2010

The Super (Intendent) II

When there's something strange in your neighborhood, who ya gonna call?
Ghost Busters!
When you're trying to throw your garbage out onto the curb, who is gonna find you and reprimand you for not having the right type of bag?
The Super!

Ladies and gentleman, ladies and gentleman. When I didn't think my super had any more tricks up his sleeve, he whips one more out. Nebi walks past him on Saturday with a bag we saved from E-mart, which is a Wal-Mart type store with everything. We filled it up with garbage (no bottles or food because those go in separate bags). "Hey", says Nebi while I follow behind him. I see the super eye the bag and I knew something was coming. Sure enough right before the bag gets itself out the door with Nebi's supervision, the super says something and says, "Ani!" "No".

The garbage stinks but this doesn't deter the super from opening it. First, he tries the knot standing. He can't get it open. Next, he throws the bag on the floor and kneels down. Success. He looks in and finds it satisfactory. Then, he starts pointing towards the 7-11. I'm thinking he wants me to put the garbage in the crates outside the store. I walk over and "plop" right into the plastic crate. I look at him and say, "Yogi?". He comes over and says, "Ahhhhhhhiiiiii!". Then we go into 7-11. He is holding the garbage and yelling at the two young Korean guys behind the register. Next thing I know, they are scrambling and one of them pulls out an orange bag half the size of the bag the super is holding. Nebi and I look at each other and we could see we were both thinking, "How the hell is he going to fit the garbage in that?". All we could do at this point was watch everything unfold.

The super goes in. And hard might I add. Let me remind you that we are still in the 7-11 that is connected to my building. He is on his knees on the floor with the garbage that stinks. He is trying to shove the huge bag into the little one. He is putting in serious work. Grunting at various points, I had to move closer to the register to laugh. I looked at Nebi, who was standing directly over him. He was smiling trying to contain his amusement. The vista was hilarious; an open refrigerator with all sorts of yogurts, drinks, and other goodies. Then my super, kneeling down shoving stinking garbage into a bag that could not possibly hold everything.

I was wrong. I super shoved the big bag into the little one and tied it triumphantly. He handed back the garbage and pointed to the front label. "Ahhh, ooohhhh. OK", is all I could say. We all left the store and said thank you to the clerks.

We we left the building to throw the garbage on the corner, Nebi and I burst out laughing. We can't get enough of this guy.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Norae Bang with my Teachers

"I used to think that I could not go on/ And life was nothing but an awful song/ But now I know the meaning of true love/ I'm leaning on the everlasting arms/
If I can see it/ Then I can do it/ If I just believe it/ There's nothing to it"
- I believe I can fly (R.Kelly)



"나만의 별이 되 줄 수 있나요/
세상 끝까지 그대를 지키죠/
그대 나를 봐요 그대/
나 이제 고백하죠/

사랑해 사랑해/ 사랑해 사랑해/ 사랑해 사랑해/ 사랑해 사랑해

사랑해 사랑해/ 사랑해 사랑해/
사랑해 사랑해/ 사랑해 사랑해/"
-Saranghae - (I have not idea who sings this, but my co-teacher was really into it)

After I got up and sang my song, I witnessed a complete breakdown of order and hierarchy. Some of the administrative assistants were jumping around and doing fist pumps in the air. Others got in a huge group and sang together, not wanting their terrible sounding friends to stand alone. It eased the pain to say the least. Another one of the older teachers got up to sing "Maria Maria" with me. He mostly just repeated "Maria Maria" the whole time, but he belted out "Maria you know your my lover", which sounded like this: "Mar-ia you-ah know-ah R my LOVERRRRRRRR". Truly fantastic stuff.

After many beers and soju shots some things got a little out of hand. One of my female co-workers sat so close to me that she spit in my face. I couldn't move because I was squished between other people. Then she went on to say, "You so (spit spit)pretty. Your face. I like you." And she gazed at me for a long time. Her face was literally less than an inch away from mine. It looked as though she was going to kiss me. Then another male teacher saw and pulled her up. Phew It was only when we were done singing that the same female teacher cornered me outside. She was stupid drunk and still spitting on me while talking too. She grabbed me and said, "Avatar". I said, "Oh I saw it too." Still trying to be polite. Then she motioned. She put her hand on her chest and then on mine and said, "Avatar I want to be." I understood, "Oh, teacher, you want to be my avatar? You want to be like me?" And she shook her head noting that I was exactly right. How touching? If it wasn't in such a creepy drunk way I would have been overjoyed. In this state I was just like, "Bitch,I know...I'm the bomb! Now get your hands off of me!"

Modesty has always been one of my most prized attributes. ^_^

Saturday, January 30, 2010

The Bus Stop

I was wondering why there are mops on most of the city buses I get on. Usually, it’s posted against the side of the bus in between two chairs and people try to stay away from those seats.

It’s 11:00 at night and I just hopped on the bus to go home from a friends. I was attempting to walk, but it was too cold and would have taken 45 minutes to do so. Hardly anyone is on the bus with me. There aren’t too many lights on the main roads, but when you do encounter one you can wait anywhere between 2 and 5 minutes. We get to the infamous 5-way stop. In the interim while I’m waiting, the bus driver becomes one of the most efficient men I have ever seen. First, he takes the change meter off and jiggles it around (to what end, I have not clue. He just looks busy). Next, he grabs the mop and begins wiping down the floor of the bus. I had to lift my feet as he cleaned under my seat. There was no polite warning, just a look and a nudge. I got the hint and admired his work ethic.

I’m guessing that was normal and even if it wasn't, the bus driver didn't waste a second of his time. Now, let’s try to get that done on the New York subways! I wouldn’t mind picking me feet up for that.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

The Super (Intendent)

When something's strange in your neighborhood, Who ya gonna call?
Ghost Busters!
When your toilet's overflowing in your apartment, Who ya gonna call?
The Super!


I went downstairs to his office and said, "hwa jang sil, mul! 화장실, 물!" Then I motioned with my arms. I was trying to recreate the atomic bomb explosion. He looks at me, points, and says, "you." He points to himself and says, "me, no." Saddened, I tried again. Maybe he didn't understand when I said, "Toilet, water, boom!" Again, he said, "anio 아니요."

With my heart breaking in two and a confused look on my face I left. I called my friend Eun-ha to tell her what happened and minutes later my super came buzzing at my door. He rushed in to look at the bathroom and motioned for me to get a bucket and scoop the water out and throw it down the drain in the shower. Luckily, my boyfriend, Nebi, was there too. He put on some pink rubber gloves and went to work.

While he was busy doing that, the super took my hand and led me out of my apartment. Obviously, I was meant to follow him. In an Alice and Wonderland swirl, I followed him as he was running around corners and racing to the supermarket near the apartment building. We went in and he asked the woman at the register something. The next minute he is waving a bottle of some magic liquid in my face that I took to be the equivalent of 'Draino'.

"Yogi yogi. Sam bun." "Here to here then wait 30 minutes."

I got it. I have to pour a certain amount in and wait 30 minutes. The super left and I did what I was told. Then after two minutes I hear a knock at my door. He had come to inspect my work and then tell me one more thing. (Note: All English had stopped after "me, no" at the very beginning of this whole ordeal.)

He steps into my bathroom again and point to the toilet and then to the garbage can. Next, he starts speaking Korean and makes a motion like he is wiping his butt. I start to laugh and then realize he is telling me that I need to throw all tissues in the garbage, not the toilet. He starts again. For some reason he wipes his butt in circular motions, but maybe he was doing it just to make a point for me. Either way it was hilarious.

Nebi and I went out to get a plunger and as soon as we got back and tried it, the toilet water went down. Our toilet was back to normal. If we had only done that to begin with we would have saved a lot of time. On the flip side, I would never have seen my super pretend to wipe his butt in my bathroom...

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

You Scrub My Back, I'll Scrub Yours

I finally got invited to go to the oncheon (hot springs) by my co-teacher, Little Kim (that's what I call her sometimes to distinguish her from Big Kim). She picked me up and on the way to the hot spring, surprise, I am meeting her sister and nephew. They are now collected and we are on our way. 30 minutes later we are in Dan Seong driving past terraced rice fields and pulling into the parking lot of Yedam Charcoal Kiln Land (http://www.iyedam.co.kr/).

Unlike many experiences I've had thus far, I did know what to expect. We opened the entrance door, took off our shoes and put them into a locked cubby. We took our keys to the register and had them exchanged for a new set of keys that would unlock a different cubby to put your clothes into in the locker room. Since Little Kim's nephew was 7, he was allowed to come into the women's locker room. After quickly undressing, the Kim clan and myself headed into the steamy bath room.

First, we washed off before going into the baths. Happily, I scrubbed myself clean and washed my hair. Lowering myself slowly into the hot bath, I felt really Korean. It was nice to see Little Kim and her sister conversing, while her nephew was running around turning various shower heads on and jumping into the cold bath. I decided to follow his suit and head toward the cold bath. Man, was it cold! I kept wondering why some people looked like lobsters in the bath rooms. After climbing out of the frigid water, I realized I looked like a cooked lobster too.

More scrubbing. Scrub, scrub, scrub. The rule for myself is to scrub every part of my body until I look the color of a slapped baby's ass; nice and pink. I told Little Kim, when I first bought the yellow scrubbing mitts, I thought they were used to clean the dishes, not my body. She had a really good laugh at my mistake. Then she asked if she could rub my back... HUH?
"Samantha, can I rub your back?"
"Umm, yea sure."
"Samantha, let me use your mitt."
"Oh yea! Of course. That would be really weird if you used your mitt."

She didn't get my sarcasm and started rubbing. Rub, rub, rub, OW, rub, rub. It felt good at the beginning, but my goal of looking the color 0f a slapped baby's ass was achieved.

"Samantha, you have young skin. I have old skin."

All I could do was nod. I wanted to return the favor for Little Kim, but her sister took on the scrubbing with a force that I couldn't fight her. We left the bath room and changed into clothes to go to the sauna. What a cool freaking sauna! After going outside and up some stairs, we arrived at a room full of clay domes. These were the saunas. Even cooler was the fact that there was charcoal burning inside one huge chamber. People surrounded the opening.

"Samantha, come with me. We must sit in front of the charcoal and look at it. It is good for your eyes."
"What? Good for my eyes?"
"Yes, let's go."
She grabs my arm and leads me to the fires of MORDOR (and you must say this in a menacing voice and roll the last R). MORDORRRR.

Looking into the huge fire pit was great. I was seeing the same visible, moving heat that you see floating above the black pavement on a really hot summer's day except it was 10 times more intense. Heat wave folding into heat wave, creating such a spectacular visual that I couldn't help but stare. I was like a moth to the flame.

More grabbing and rushing. This time I was being taken to a small clay dome. After removing our slippers and pushing back a black, heavy curtain we entered into the clay dome lair. The air was still and there were people sleeping and sitting, playing with their DS, and answering their phone. I got the chance to press my back against the wall. What a warm sensation. The sweating began no less than 3 minutes in, but it was a good sweat.

Inside was pitch black. Faces melted into the darkness. Only a whisper could separate darkness from person. "O ma, o di so?" It was Little Kim's nephew entering the darkness bringing with him a tiny slice of light and a cool breeze. "Yogiyo." They connected with a mysterious helping hand emerging from a direction that was lost when the curtain came to a close. I couldn't stand the heat, so I left. Little Kim followed.

We bought some fish shaped ice cream and ate it taking in the view of the mountains in the distant. Her sister comes running over, says something, and we follow. She had cooked 4 sweet potatoes in a fire pit in the middle of the room. We squatted around the pit. It was us three dressed in pinkish-red robes, squatting just so our butts didn't graze the floor, eating cooked sweet potatoes out of a small fire pit in the middle of the room. What?! It was madness. Madness until the tender half of the sweet potato grazed my tongue. Then it turned into deliciousness and infatuation. Oh, sweet potato! How you would never be consumed in such a way in the States. Your skin wouldn't crisp from burning charcoal only to be eaten in such a primitive fashion; broken in half with bare hands that loved every second of the pain because the end was so sweet.

Come on, you guys don't muse about food that way? Something so delicious beyond words has never put you in a trance like it does to me?

We arrived at 2pm and we were just getting into the car to go to dinner at 5:38pm. What a wonderful day.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Sauna Scrub Down

Words that had no meaning washed over my ears. I just handed her the money, 20.000 won, and nodded a lot. While I lay on a gurney covered with decorative linoleum staring at the ceiling, I wondered what I had gotten myself into. For fear of making awkward eye contact, I settled upon studying her body. Her skin was smooth and practically hairless. The un-matching black lacey brassiere and full-cut red panties with roses didn't quick fit the bill. At the same time, I kind of liked it.

A warm towel was thrown over my body. Ahhhh. Next, a bucket of hot water. My body jolted upward from the unexpected weight that poured down. "Relax Sam," I told myself silently. The towel was lifted and another towel caressed my face. Wondering if another bucket of hot water was to be spilled over my face, I closed my eyes tightly. Nothing happened...

Instead, the woman massaged my jaw and cheeks. It was a game of towel on and towel off. She would massage, then put the towel back on. Massage and put the towel on again. I felt no touch for a few minutes when I decided to turn my head to the left to see what was going onI saw a cucumber and a slicer. An odd combination in a steam room. The cucumber got progressively smaller and was then applied to my face. Ohhh it was cold. If you added a bit of salt I bet it would have been really tasty too. I wanted to open my mouth to see if I could get any leftovers, but decided against it at the last minute.

She wanted to make small talk, but all I could say was
mi guk saram ieyo, "I'm American." My lady in red walked away again. When she came back she looked as if she were going to pull a cake out of an oven. She had yellow mitts on both hands. Apparently, I was not a baked good, but rather, a burnt pan that needed to be scrubbed clean.

It was firm scrub down. It wasn't to the point where I felt chaffed like when you wear jeans with no underwear and walk around a lot. It was pleasant by all accounts. In the exact moment, I didn't really know what to think. She left no area untouched. It wasn't until she got to my arms that I saw all the tiny brown dirt balls on my skin. How gross, yet how fascinating?! Out of nowhere, SPLASH. More hot water gliding over my body. This time I was happy to know that it was washing away all my newly made little brown friends. It's funny how attached you can get to inanimate things.

The last frontal scrub was upon me and so was my bakery ladies' rolls; her stomach was soft so I didn't mind, but feeling another woman's tummy rolls on your forehead is a crazy feeling. First my face was cold from the cucumber being smashed into it, then her rolls warmed it up.

More foreign words were uttered from her mouth. When I could finally see I decided to study her face. I figured if she wasn't weirded out by putting her stomach on my face, I shouldn't be shy about looking at hers- her face, not her stomach. Pretty wrinkles had found their resting place around her eyes. Her hair was permed and short. Her cheekbones were high. She was wearing earrings. My guess was that she thought they complimented her under-outer garments, which they did. She was around 60.

She was strong and ended the scrub with a light massage for lack of a better word. It was more like dousing me in oil and then hitting random parts of my body. I must say, I felt great and it was 20,000 won well spent. For the next time I am going to learn some key phrases so we can have a better conversation in the nude. ^_^

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

How to Soju (소주)

No, this isn't some crazy reggae dance where you have to shake your butt or jump around (although maybe I will create a dance one day...). The art of soju is a lovely Korean custom in which one person pours a shot for another. The person pouring should never pour his own glass. If he/she has to shove the bottle of soju into someone else's hand for them to pour, so be it. Normally, someone recognizes that the pourer's cup is empty and will make sure that he/she gets his/her fill.
Out of respect, the bottle is held with two hands. The person holding the shot glass either has both hands on it or will look super stylish with one hand holding the shot glass and the other touching some part of the upper arm forming a triangle. It's a very nice thing to see. At first, I thought you had to drink the entire shot. After all, that is what I have always done. But I witnessed my counterparts taking small sips. Even if you don't want to drink at all you still must hold out your shot glass. The person will fill it with a small amount of alcohol and you can just touch the liquid to your lips and pour it out into another regular sized glass.
The scene here took place at dinner after a trip with all 32 teachers, 4 assistants, and the principal and vice principal. It's not taboo either to drink a small amount of soju during lunch even with your higher-ups present! It doesn't happen every time, but on occasion the situation calls for a celebratory drink.